Not the best of days...

I really thought today was going to be a good day. It started out good, and then just got worse and worse as the day went on. Today was a muggy, cold, dark, rainy day and the assistant principal sent out an inclement weather schedule. At the bottom of the schedule it says hopefully we will not need to use this schedule. When it was time for me to do yard duty (by myself, 100 kids at least, BY MYSELF)I noticed that the kids were playing outside and it wasn't raining. So I went outside and continued my normal schedule. 5th graders come out as 2nd graders are going to lunch and it starts to sprinkle. GREAT. I'm still by myself, 100 kids playing around, and I don't know what to do. I think ok, I will get the kids to line up and head into the cafeteria, no problem, they're in 5th grade. UMMM WHAT WAS I THINKING? I was having soccer balls kicked at me, kids yelling at me, no one listening. Keep in mind that it IS STILL RAINING on the verge of pouring. Finally the assistant principal and the principal came out to help and needless to say, they went into the lunch room and then everything was fine. I literally came into my classroom and cried. I was just so stressed, and it was my actual first bad day at this job.

It gets better...

So finally lunch came for me and I was exhausted. I grab my phone and call Robby to tell him about how wonderful my day was going. As I'm talking to him I get a text message from my younger sister Stephanie.

Guess what, you're gonna be auntie again. hehehehe!

I tell Robby that I'll call him back and I call Steph. She tells me that she just found out yesterday and she's about 5 weeks pregnant. She was telling me that the doctors said that since she had a miscarriage before it's likely that she'll have another one so don't get too excited.

Here's the thing, I'm super happy and excited. I absolutely love Audrey and Evan (my other younger sisters kids). I can't explain the love I have for those two babies, and I know that I will love Steph's just the same. I would be extremely sad if anything bad happened to her pregnancy. I'm just sad that it's not me. I should be a mom, I should be the one telling everyone I'm gonna have a baby. I feel broken and not whole.

Oh, and today at work, it's bring your kid to work day. If hearing Steph was pregnant wasn't hard enough, I keep getting, "Mrs. Wingfield, do you have any kids? Where are your kids, didn't you know it's bring your kid to work day? "

Whats funny is that while I'm writing this Across the Universe is playing on my iPod..."Nothings gonna change my world...."

Michael Franti has a song that I love called Never Too Late. Listen to it. It really makes you feel better when you're upset...

"It's never too late to start the day over!"